My heart won't let go.... It's been 4 months since this man ripped such a huge part of my heart from me. My mind has rationalized the situation, but something that he left behind in my heart will not let go.
Someone brings up his name, or mentions something about him, I see a picture of him... those things don't seem to bother me. Even seeing him in person, I was able to ignore him, ( with the exception of the few glances, when he wasn't looking)
Just when I think I can move on, something weird happens, and I end up hurting all over again.
When my mind can shut my feeling out, I can deal with it.
It's all the little signs... the things that seem to say, "Our love was an act of fate". The meaningful songs that seem to play when we are in each others presence, the ones that we connected with when we were together. The feeling of Deja Vu when I am revisiting a place where we may have spent time together. People that I don't even remember meeting, tell me how they were inspired by the love they saw in our eyes... How can that be?? It was so many months ago, and yet Shaun and I impacted complete strangers that way?? Even the memory of my dreams torture me after I wake. It's those things that scare me, have we messed with fate? Will I ever feel this strongly about a man again?
His actions and attitude tell me he is able to file our love and our life together away somewhere. I wonder if it ever comes to the surface, causing the same grief. I wish I could lock all those feelings and memories away that way. Maybe I could also pretend to love someone again.
