I fell in Love with Shaun from the first kiss, the first night we made love, I knew I wanted to be the woman he couldn't live without. Each moment we spent together, our hearts and souls intertwined. It became harder and harder to be apart from each other. We both denied how strong our feelings were as long as we could.
We were spontaneous and fun loving, I enjoyed each and every minute with him, and I believe in my heart he felt the same. We spent months growing closer, our hearts needed each other. Never, had I allowed myself to be that intimate with a man. Our passion for each other was overwhelming! I couldn't help but fall so deeply in love with him.
We eventually began spending every free moment together, losing ourselves in each other. Of course with the good, came some bad, but I felt we could get through it, if we worked at it. I never would have guessed it would end so suddenly.
I started to hold things inside, little things began to irritate me, I had no idea why at the time. He picked up on it, and Jealousy became an issue, then control, then animosity, hurt feelings, apologies, grudges.... what was happening to us?
We loved each other so much! How could those things overtake us? Was it the winter blues? finances? outside influences? new friends? I think all of the above had something to do with our down fall. But I had always been able to reasonably get through those things, why did they affect us so much? Did he stop trying too? Was he getting bored with me? It could have been a whole combination of things. But if we loved each other so much how did they get out of control?
On Valentines Day my heart was shattered! It was the end of Us.
Looking back now, just a month after my universe fell apart, I see so many factors that added to the whole thing. They were out of our hands. If we could have gotten a grasp on them, we'd still be so happy. We'd have our life together, the fairytale that so many only dream of....
Every day without him, I find myself remorseful for every issue we couldn't overcome. My happiness faded, my soul fell into despair. I pray every day that I will experience that kind of love once again.
A love that strong, just can't be fixed? If it can't I pray my heart is torn from my chest so I never feel the pain when I hear his name, or hear a song that meant so much. I would rather have a stone in my chest than the constant ache to be close to him, I don't want to know that he has moved on, while all I can do is think of every moment we spent together. I fear I will love him forever, and he will never know how good we could have been....
Shaun Cohorn, I will always Love you!
