To truly understand a persons actions you sometimes have to understand their heart.
A heart that loves so intensely will go to great lengths to show that love.
I know you don't fully understand all the events that happened, just as I don't understand why, after just 5 days you could move in with another woman. You said you Loved me, yet you tried to convince this woman what an awful person I was. You said you wanted to try and work things out with me, yet you told her it was only because I was pregnant. Did you ever really love me? Is it so easy for you to shut your heart down?
I sent those messages to her, so she would think twice about having feelings for you. I did not want to have to fight for your love so, I saw it as eliminating my opponents. You should never have opened that door Shaun, you should have made sure there was no chance for us left. We could have had the perfect life together and you threw it away, the minute you moved in with another woman.
I know you love me as much as I love you. If you could only open your heart and do the right thing. Shaun you are going to be 30 years old. Your life is not stable, you don't allow yourself to be comfortable and content. I want to work things out with you baby, I love you and care about you so much! Stop trying to fight fate!

The Good Things...

Country rides, Laying on a blanket in the field under the hot summer sun, Spending the day at the beach, Dancing, Getaways at the hotel, Jumping on the bed, Hot tubs, Road trips, Our first Christmas, Niagara Falls, Wading in the creek, skipping rocks, Laying in bed all day making love, Watching movies, Making breakfast together, Setting off the smoke alarm while making love, Getting caught in a thunderstorm while sleeping next to the pond, "Nooners", Camping for the weekend, Breakfast at Waffle House, TD's, Nights in Lexington, Shopping, Country roads.....
Laughing, Talking, Expressing feelings, Longing, Touching, Exploring, Kissing, Being silly, Smiling, Wrestling, Tickling, Dancing, Singing, Cuddling, Holding hands, Comforting, Hugging, Holding each other, Passion, Making love, Falling asleep in each others arms...
Our special songs, Our special sayings, Our Tattoos, Our special look, Our tokens of love, Our hopes, Our dreams, Our home.....
So many good things we've shared over such a short period of time, this is what stands out most, this is why I Love You so very much! These memories help me see the rough spots weren't that bad after all. I miss US!

A Love to fight for...

During the course of a person's lifetime, one cannot always escape the grim reality of a battle. Of course I don't mean battle like a sense of war but more or less by its meaning; an encounter between two opposing forces. Aside from the usual heartaches that we feel when we're in love, we are also in danger of fighting for that particular love.

Yet, for some reason, when the battle becomes a one-sided battle, more often than not, one or the other will give up. Whether it's the pain of seeing the other get hurt or just tired from fighting for something that won't be theirs, giving up may sound the rational thing to do. But from here on in, how can you assure yourself that what you did in the past will definitely not happen again? If you gave up on someone you love, how can you be so sure that you won't do it again the next time you fall in love? When love is true, when love is pure, despite all adversities, pain is never a reason to let go or give up. If you truly love a person, then you should give it your all to fight for that somebody, to make sure that he/she will never be gone or taken away from you. Often times, we find ourselves asking the question "if he/she really worth fighting for? Is our love worth fighting for?". The answer to those questions will have different answers coming from different perspectives. But the one thing that will bind all answers despite their difference is how much you love that person. Fighting for love is a test of your character, to see how far you are willing to go for that someone, to see how much pain you're willing to endure for him/her. "Strength through adversity" does not apply directly to wars and warriors but also applies to a relationship. However, it takes two of you to fight for your relationship and for your love, keeping each other strong and holding on through tough times.

In my personal perspective, I'll always fight for the one that I love, no matter the adversity. And the answer that I'm about to give to this question "is he really worth fighting for? Is our love worth fighting for?" is "YES". Come what may, love is always worth fighting for, whether it's a simple form of love for friends to a more deeper and profound feeling of love towards your special someone.

Time for me

Funny, as I take time for me... I think about my AS(s) period. (After Shaun, ) I seemed to have lost, or given up so much more of myself for him. I don' t understand why though. Maybe I thought he needed help, maybe because I thought he could be a better man, maybe I saw something in him that he continues to fight.
This "boy" I met so many years ago had such aspirations, but he always clung to some mysterious force that always seemed to "detour" him so easily. I had always had an attraction to him, as he did toward me. Was it the mystery of what could have been? 10 Years later we found each other in a situation that he blames me for... even though he wanted it just as bad as I did. We fell in love... a single kiss... He was my "Superman" I was his "Kryptonite" We shared so much, but couldn't see past our issues. We couldn't hang onto the love in our hearts....
Strange how strong our love can be... yet how weak we were to keep it alive...... Could we have ever found the strength??? I am a strong woman, but I feel he was a weak man.... Sad really! Why couldn't we see what was staring us right in the face????

It Hurts....

Knowing how easily I could be forgotten. He has moved on while I still sit here with a broken heart. I have hung onto the hope that he would realize that what we had was worth fighting for. I will keep on loving him for the rest of my life, and it's tearing me apart. Why can't I still be the woman in his arms, the woman that makes him happy?
My life is at a stand still. I see glimmers of my old self, and think, why did it change when he loved me so much? I am so full of regret and hurt, it's hard to get through the day.
Why is it I can find the strength to help everyone else, but when it comes to me, I'm a mess?

Time to say Goodbye

My relationship with Shaun is over, I thought we had a love that could weather it all. One person can not mend it by themselves. I can not allow my heart to hurt any longer. I Love you enough to let you go. I Hope you find whatever it is you are looking for Shaun. I will Love you ...For - Always...

Once in a Lifetime Love

My Heart & Soul

I fell in Love with Shaun from the first kiss, the first night we made love, I knew I wanted to be the woman he couldn't live without. Each moment we spent together, our hearts and souls intertwined. It became harder and harder to be apart from each other. We both denied how strong our feelings were as long as we could.
We were spontaneous and fun loving, I enjoyed each and every minute with him, and I believe in my heart he felt the same. We spent months growing closer, our hearts needed each other. Never, had I allowed myself to be that intimate with a man. Our passion for each other was overwhelming! I couldn't help but fall so deeply in love with him.
We eventually began spending every free moment together, losing ourselves in each other. Of course with the good, came some bad, but I felt we could get through it, if we worked at it. I never would have guessed it would end so suddenly.
I started to hold things inside, little things began to irritate me, I had no idea why at the time. He picked up on it, and Jealousy became an issue, then control, then animosity, hurt feelings, apologies, grudges.... what was happening to us?
We loved each other so much! How could those things overtake us? Was it the winter blues? finances? outside influences? new friends? I think all of the above had something to do with our down fall. But I had always been able to reasonably get through those things, why did they affect us so much? Did he stop trying too? Was he getting bored with me? It could have been a whole combination of things. But if we loved each other so much how did they get out of control?
On Valentines Day my heart was shattered! It was the end of Us.
Looking back now, just a month after my universe fell apart, I see so many factors that added to the whole thing. They were out of our hands. If we could have gotten a grasp on them, we'd still be so happy. We'd have our life together, the fairytale that so many only dream of....
Every day without him, I find myself remorseful for every issue we couldn't overcome. My happiness faded, my soul fell into despair. I pray every day that I will experience that kind of love once again.
A love that strong, just can't be fixed? If it can't I pray my heart is torn from my chest so I never feel the pain when I hear his name, or hear a song that meant so much. I would rather have a stone in my chest than the constant ache to be close to him, I don't want to know that he has moved on, while all I can do is think of every moment we spent together. I fear I will love him forever, and he will never know how good we could have been....
Shaun Cohorn, I will always Love you!

There is a Hole

An attraction 10 years ago, became a love so intense this past year. Maybe too intense.
From the first kiss, my heart raced, my face flushed, and I was weak in the knees.
It was never supposed to happen, but we fell in love. I knew his past, and he knew mine but, we still wanted to be each others future.
A love that started that intense really had no room to grow. I believe it began to destroy itself because we were both so afraid of losing each other. and we did.
The jealousy and control that we both exhibited couldn't be contained. I began to second guess the kind of woman I was, and a woman I didn't recognize began to emerge. I began to push him away on purpose because I saw it coming, my heart accepted his love, but my mind wouldn't believe it. Maybe it was the same for him...
If only we could have kept the two people who fell in love, in a picture frame with the reminder that we loved each other just the way we were, instead of trying to "modify" each other.

Lots, more, often...
Superman & kryptonite...
The Bandits... ( backyard, mailbox, love bandits, etc...)
All da' time....
Baby
I Love you, Beautiful
When it's good, it's great! when it's bad it's hard...
Lenny...SRV
A song he was to write that I'll never hear on my birthday
Country roads

These bring back thoughts and feelings that I now have to hide away in the deepest parts of my heart.
Forgiveness and effort were the things I desired, just as they had been given to him... but, I was a fool to think he was capable of them. I now have to be selfish with my heart too... Damn, that's so hard for me!
I Loved You Shaun Cohorn, whether you believed me or not. You will always own that hole, that could have been my life... now, someday it will just be a scar.

“Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about.”

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

“Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.”

These are some things my friends have told me, and I am really trying to let it all sink in, as I move on...