The end of summer is approaching. It was about this time last year that Shaun and I admitted to each other how strongly we felt. We had such big hopes of a happy life together. Now it's just a memory. One that still consumes my heart, as I quietly reflect on the Love we shared, and keep it bottled inside me.
I've had one close encounter with Shaun since my heart was ripped from my chest. I thought I'd break down and leave, instead of facing him, and finding a way to be honest about the past few months without him. My guard went up, and frustration came to the surface. I suppose I expected him to look at me with the same love that used to fill his eyes. Instead, I found myself avoiding his eyes, and to deal with the pain, I acted like I didn't care. I found Strength in anger. But it backfired on me... I cried for a week after that.
What I really wanted, was for him to take my hand and lead me away from everyone. I wanted to know that all his anger was just a facade to protect his heart. I wanted so desperately to see the love that once filled both our eyes... I wanted the opportunity to talk with him rationally, with no interruptions, to express all the things we both have surpressed over the last few months because of our pride.
I have this blog so I can express what I feel, what we had, what we both walked away from.
If I could turn back time, I don't think I would have loved you any differently. I will always Love you baby... To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson... "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us." (our past or our future, can not change the love that is in our hearts).
Please don't allow our hearts to harden....
