Enjoying some much needed time off from work the other day, I decided to spend the day relaxing in the pool. All I wanted was to float around, soaking up the sun and not think about anything!!
After just half an hour of enjoying the rays, Mark called me to apologize for the other night, and wanted to take me out on the boat Saturday to make up for it.
I was supposed to see a friends band with him, but due to his buddy having relationship issues he had to pass. I really wasn't that upset about it, as it was an outdoor gig, and a huge storm came in shortly after they started. He proceeded to tell me that he had stopped there, just as it started to rain, and he felt pretty bad for them. They were pouring water out of the amps, etc.. He said oh, BTW your Shaun wasn't there either... REALLY??!!
I quickly corrected him, stating he hasn't been mine for 2 years! Realizing his mistake, Mark said, "I'm sorry, I meant to say your ex... and the only reason I mentioned it was, because I know you've been wanting to see them without running into him."
"Hey, I know how you feel about him, but would you ever speak to him, if he wanted to set things right? Alot of people I've talked to, say that he's been clean and sober for awhile now. His band is doing pretty well, and he's not so arrogant when he's sober."
Mark, I am glad to hear that he is getting his life on track, that really does make me happy. I know his band is doing good, and I think alot of that is due to Norma. The biggest part of his relationship with Norma, stems from his music. She encourages it, because that's the side of Shaun she fell in love with. I fell in love with Shaun,the man. I loved him for who he was, not because he was a musician. I encouraged, loved and supported him, and the extensions of who He was. Not just the musician in him.... AND WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS ANYWAY???
"I know you never had closure with him, and just wondered".
HE never gave me closure, because HE wasn't capable. But,I have found my own closure. I have been doing fine for quite awhile, and if SOME PEOPLE, would quit thinking my life and his are still connected somehow... I would be doing So much BETTER!!
I appreciate the phone call, but I'd really like to get back to enjoying the pool.
I couldn't believe how this phone call disrupted my entire afternoon!! I can't seem to avoid people who constantly remind me of him! I've changed my phone number, and have only given it to a few people I trust, I've moved, I don't bring up his name in conversation, I haven't tried to contact him in over 2 years, I've not been going out that often... and still I run into people who want to tell me about him!
Is it a sadness within me, that people pick up on? Do I have a "sign" that hovers above my head that says, "my heart still beats, go ahead and add more pain?"
This blog is the only place I express what I have gone through, and how I felt about him, maybe this needs to stop also....
