After a year and a half, you'd think I'd be well over Shaun. Most days I don't give him a second thought... Other days are just plain hard. I have been getting out more and trying to have fun again.
Just when I think I've made progress, something knocks me back. For example, This past week, I get invited to see a friends band, but they are opening for Shaun's band. I go to work, and who do I run into? Shaun's drummer. Another day, I'm hanging out with one of my "bestie's" and she repeats something one of her co-workers said, pertaining to him.... Why does it feel like I'm not supposed to get over him???
I don't know if what Angela told me was true or not, given that she was told by Shaun's friend's wife... but it sure seems like Karma may be working on him too. The rumor is he is trying to break up with Norma, because he still has feelings for me, but he's afraid because she's nuts and will make his life hell... Really??? Now isn't that a "slap in the face" He made my life hell, by not giving me closure, and leaving me to deal with MAJOR issues.... Not once did his heart break, or did he think twice about leaving me. Maybe I should have been a basket case too.... Serves him right! That's what he gets for leaving a woman with class!
Now, that's the logical side of me... The kind of attitude I should have right?? Wrong..... I have cried on and off for a week after hearing this. How can he still do this to me??? If he still loved me, shouldn't he have been a man, and stepped up??? He hasn't made any attempt to contact me himself. I will not be the one to "pursue" him. He used that against me when we broke up. Trying to destroy any chance I had at having a safe place to go. I honestly believe somewhere deep in my heart that he does still love me, it's just not enough... I lived in a wonderland when we were together, thinking our relationship was "fate" or some kind of fairy tale....
I may still love him deeply, but it doesn't mean I have my head in the clouds. Besides, he's not "my Shaun" anymore.... He's become someone I don't even recognize...
