All Patched up

It took a very long time but, I can now declare that my heart is all patched up!  
Whoever said "time heals all things" must have been talking about Heartbreak.  My first experience with heartbreak was as a teen and really I don't recall it being this difficult.  My most recent journey began a little more than 3 years ago and I have finally reached the end.  
Some may think I tortured myself far too long... In reality it was a life lesson that I needed to get through. 
I now understand that love isn't enough in a relationship. It is a major component creating a desire to do better, be better and to try try harder. But you must also be committed to a relationship in order for those things to work.  In that commitment comes adoration, truth, trust, and the strength work through hardships.  
I was so focused on the love, adoration, and desire that I couldn't see the things that were missing. Those missing components are the real reason my relationship with Shaun didn't work.
He and I were at a different places in life, and some of those components were necessary for me to feel secure in that relationship.  Truthfully I wanted an adult relationship from a man who had a teenagers mind. He just didn't or couldn't provide some things to our relationship for it to work. 
Regardless, I have gotten something so priceless from that relationship, that it hasn't been a complete loss.
Now that I am healed, I wish him well... 

If you're happy...

It's been 3 years... I heard you and Norma are engaged.  I hope you finally found your happiness.

What could have been, will never be....

Still got the Blues for you...

Used to be so easy to give my heart away. But I found that the hard way There's a price you have to pay.
I found out that love was no friend of mine. I should have known time after time.  
So long, it was so long ago, But I've still got the blues for you.  
Used to be so easy to fall in love again. But I found that the hard way, It's a road that leads to pain. 
I found that love was more than just a game You're playin' to win. but you lose just the same.
So long, it was so long ago, But I've still got the blues for you.  
So many years, since I've seen your face. But here in my heart, there's an empty space... Where you used to be.  
So long, it was so long ago But I've still got the blues for you.  
Though the days come and go, there is one thing I know... 
I've still got the blues for you...

This was one of the first songs, that began strengthening our connection to each other...




This one could still stop me in my tracks!



 

I Love Your Memory... For-Always...

Wow!!! This Says it all!!

I'm being followed....

I've noticed a few peculiar things every time I post a blog....  
Seems like a few of my comments may have struck a nerve with someone,  make a comment about a hat... changed, mention someone discussing him with me... they get reprimanded. 

Hmmmmm...  jealous girlfriend,,,,,Do you find it odd, that when he met you, you had short, brown hair... Now it's long. blonde and wavy?  (very similar to mine?)  
an Ex...  If you wanted to know how I felt, you could have asked. (you knew my email, and had my number)  If you didn't care, then why are you reading this? 
a friend or foe?.....   Reading how such an intense love, caused so much pain, anger, and heartache for the past 2 years... I hope it has enlightened you.somewhat.

Fooling people or real?

 Enjoying some much needed time off from work the other day, I decided to spend the day relaxing in the pool.  All I wanted was to float around, soaking up the sun and not think about anything!!  
After just half an hour of enjoying the rays, Mark called me to apologize for the other night, and wanted to take me out on the boat Saturday to make up for it.  
I was supposed to see a friends band with him, but due to his buddy having relationship issues he had to pass.  I really wasn't that upset about it, as it was an outdoor gig, and a huge storm came in shortly after they started.  He proceeded to tell me that he had stopped there, just as it started to rain, and he felt pretty bad for them. They were pouring water out of the amps, etc..  He said oh, BTW your Shaun wasn't there either...  REALLY??!!
I quickly corrected him, stating he hasn't been mine for 2 years! Realizing his mistake, Mark said, "I'm sorry, I meant to say your ex... and the only reason I mentioned it was, because I know you've been wanting to see them without running into him."  
"Hey, I know how you feel about him, but would you ever speak to him, if he wanted to set things right?  Alot of people I've talked to, say that he's been clean and sober for awhile now.  His band is doing pretty well, and he's not so arrogant when he's sober." 
Mark, I am glad to hear that he is getting his life on track, that really does make me happy. I know his band is doing good, and I think alot of that is due to Norma.  The biggest part of his relationship with Norma, stems from his music. She encourages it, because that's the side of Shaun she fell in love with.  I fell in love with Shaun,the man.  I loved him for who he was, not because he was a musician.  I encouraged, loved and supported him, and the extensions of who He was. Not just the musician in him.... AND WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS ANYWAY???
"I know you never had closure with him, and just wondered".  
HE never gave me closure, because HE wasn't capable. But,I have found my own closure.  I have been doing fine for quite awhile, and if SOME PEOPLE, would quit thinking my life and his are still connected somehow...  I would be doing So much BETTER!!
I appreciate the phone call, but I'd really like to get back to enjoying the pool.
I couldn't believe how this phone call disrupted my entire afternoon!!  I can't seem to avoid people who constantly remind me of him!  I've changed my phone number, and have only given it to a few people I trust, I've moved, I don't bring up his name in conversation, I haven't tried to contact him in over 2 years, I've not been going out that often... and still I run into people who want to tell me about him!  
Is it a sadness within me, that people pick up on?  Do I have a "sign" that hovers above my head that says, "my heart still beats, go ahead and add more pain?"  
This blog is the only place I express what I have gone through, and how I felt about him, maybe this needs to stop also....